No Fems...

A while back, I was perusing the blog: Boy Culture, a fun little blog that covers various aspects of gay culture from "Madonna, pop culture, politics, (and) sex...not necessarily in that order." On August, 25 they posted a video that some cute guys vacationing on Fire Island made of themselves lip-syncing to the Miley Cyrus song "Party in the U.S.A." It was fun and silly and feel-good, much like the song itself, which I had never heard until then. It made me smile (and, according to the hits on youtube, it made upwards of 345,866 other people smile, too).

But like the masochistic schmuck I am, I had to go the extra mile and read the comments section of the Boy Culture posting. Trust me, in this day and age of a virtual world, people will and do say the most cruel and hateful things, mainly because it's all generally anonymous. People say things online that they would never say to someone's face.

As I said, Boy Culture is a gay blog and most of the readership is gay. So, needless to say, I was pretty shocked that the first comment was: "Great. More fem gay men showing America we are not masculine men. Do any of these guys even have a penis?"

Ouch! It is just ugly to watch people turn on their own. Granted the subsequent comments chastised the original commenter for his homophobic comments (yes, homosexuals can be homophobic) and went on to comment how fun and silly and cute the guys were (though they chastised them for their taste in music).

But the damage had been done. What struck me so forcefully, besides the hateful homophobia in the remark, is that we, as a culture and a society, are still drinking the stereotypical-laced Kool-Aid that men are supposed to be masculine and women are supposed to be feminine, and those that step out of those stereotypes are fairgame for insults, ridicule and violence.

It is this archaic stereotyping of gender roles that kept women in the kitchen for too many years, still keeps women from being paid and respected as much for doing the same job as a man, and that keeps scores of homosexuals hiding in their closets pretending to be who they aren't, engaging in false relationships with those of the opposite sex to fit in and escape this sort of vicious ridicule and worse.

Of course, we expect these kinds of statements and sentiments from the extreme right, but to come from within our own community, that's especially hard hitting and hurtful and scary. It's about acceptance, not of others but of oneself. That's the key to accepting others. On Rupaul's terrifically campy TV show Rupaul's Drag Race, she ends each episode with the question: If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anyone else?"

Ah, Ru, truer words have never been spoken.

It's time to get out there and start loving ourselves, no matter what society tells us. Be butch. Be effeminate. Be anything in between, as long as you be you.